wherever you go, there you are

i’m in korea.



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the eye of the storm

yes, the title is yet another lame and uninspiring metaphor for my life.  as i am moving away from this fair city right before the onset of the party time we gulf coasters call hurricane season, it only seemed appropriate to draw that comparison.

our gulf coast friend katrina

i freaked out a couple of weeks ago.  last week, the freaking out had subsided and i thought i was done with it.  but today, the butterflies, nauesea, and everything else negative returned.

i spent the night at my mom’s house, spent all day going in and out (much like i did when i was in high school and the part of college that i lived there), and only just 30 minutes ago left for good.  that meant saying goodbye to my mom.  she’s going to be moving out of houston while i’m gone, which means the era of stopping by her house unnannounced looking for food or somewhere to kill time is over.  i’ll have to drive 14 hours or fly to the great state of alabama to visit her.  big fat bummer.

this also means that my childhood home is going to be sold, and presumably, by the time i return home, a family full of idiots is going to be tromping in and out of the bedrooms that belonged to my brother, my mom, and me.  they’ll be cooking their nasty food in our kitchen and be playing their stupid games in my backyard.  i lived in that house from 3 years of age until about 21 or 22 years of age.  i woke up in that house every morning to go to elementary, middle, and high school.  i attended 2 colleges while in that house.  i have parked all of my cars in that driveway.  IT IS MY HOUSE DAMMIT!  i do not like the idea of strangers freely letting themselves in and out of the purple front door my mom painted.  the thought of it makes me want to die.  well…not really, but you get the point.

i’m transitioning my animals from my care to jeremy’s care.  that’s sad enough.  the idea of not having 8 little legs under my feet at all times of the day is sad.  i’ve always had a dog!  and casper, my cat, was acquired when i was 10 or 11 years old.  he was around before i could drive, before i hit puberty (i really hate that word), before i moved out, before i had my first kiss, before just about everything i can remember.  life is going to be strange without my furry little roommates.

i’ve said a lot of goodbyes in the past few days.  i know i’ll be back relatively soon, but it’s hard knowing i’m not going to see any of my friends or family for 12 months.  people change, the dynamics of a group shift, and life goes on.  i guess i’m just afraid that i’m going to come back and find out that my cat’s dead, my dog doesn’t remember me, all of my friends have moved on, my mom has moved too far away, and nothing’s the same.

so yes, i am freaking out again.  the calm eye of this storm is long, long gone.


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i ate what will likely, but not definitely, be my last tex-mex meal in the states.  chips, salsa, queso, cheese enchiladas, beans, and rice…mmm.  i really don’t know how i’m going to live without good tex mex available 24/7.  maybe i’ll luck out and find a good dish somewhere.  my ass could definitely benefit from the lack of it, though.

my mom is making me my last meal here in houston.  she got this shrimp recipe from the famous paula deen, and if you know anything about her, you know everything she cooks involves a ton of butter.


the shrimp is simple, it’s cooked, shell on, in a mixture of butter, cayene pepper, and black pepper.  it’s good, in moderation.

so martha left for seoul this morning at 7.  she’s still in the air.  if i remember her landing time correctly, she’s got another 5 hours of flying ahead of her.

this flying business…i’m not looking forward to it.  i haven’t flown out of the country before.  the longest flight i’ve ever been on was 3 hours to las vegas.  i hate flying, too.  i;m not scared of it, i just get very uncomfortable and restless.  my face starts to get all greasy and weird.  my back hurts.  boo on flying.

watching martha pack last night definitely made me even more anxious to go, though.

enough.  time to drink.

jack and coke

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dear do-gooder,

i would like to extend my most heartfelt thanks for turning in my wallet in last night after i carelessly left it in the shopping cart in the parking lot.  i have yet to pick it up, but i have called the store and they reported back that they do in fact have it.  all thanks to you!

you see, with everything going on in my life right now, i’d be pretty lost without my debit card, my identification, and my cash.  wait…you took all of my cash!  like, pretty much every cent i currently have to my name right now.  that seems more than reasonable compensation for picking up a wallet and walking it inside.  don’t sweat it…i only needed that money to buy clothing for the next year and food for the next week.  in a city like houston, who needs gasoline?  not i, and that’s quite a good thing since i don’t have any money to buy it anymore!  as for the high ambitions of going out a few times in the next couple of days before i move away from everyone and everything i love, meh…hanging out with friends and having a good time are overrated anyway.

so again, thank you for taking all of my money.  i hope you’re having fun with it.  my immediate assumption is that you filled up the gas tank in your diesel truck, drove to the bar, bought drinks for everyone, and then paid for everybody’s post bar meal at dennys.  sadistically, i’d like to think that you ordered a hamburger that was ever so slightly contaminated and ever so slightly undercooked.  part of me hopes that you woke up this morning to go to your crap job and immediately started shooting liquid out of both ends of your body.  i think it would be hilarious if you, the piece of trash that stole my money, had to spend the remnants of my money that were left over from your hot thursday night out on a visit to the doctor and an antibiotic prescription.  even better if you had to call in sick to work today and missed an entire day of pay.  no, wait, completely lost your job!

now, as angry as i am at you, i really don’t hope the above paragraph embodies what happened with my money.  really, i hope you found the wallet and curiously looked inside of it, only to find the cash i had acquired mere HOURS earlier.  i hope you struggled with your decision to take it.  i hope you rationalized taking it with something good…maybe you have a sick kid who needs medical attention.  maybe you were exactly that amount of money short on rent and it was too coincidental to pass up.  maybe you plan on sending the money home to mexico to help your elderly mother take care of things back home.  because, ultimately, all i want to think is that someone who needed that money more than i ended up with it and did something more important with it.  that’s what i’ll assume, because being pissed about it isn’t going to bring it back.  i’ll consider it my charitable contribution to society.

truly, i hope the money helped you out.


stupid cat...

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am i there yet?

last week, i was getting really scared of going to korea and leaving everthing behind.  i’d get knots in my stomach whenever i thought about the ride to the airport, getting out of the car, and walking into the terminal.  all i could think about was how i was going to hold it together as i trudged into the airport, 100% alone.  so i rode that wave.  i allowed myself to freak out.

now, however, i’m completely calm.  i figured the nerves would only get worse, but that hasn’t been the case.  i’m ready to go.  i’m sure it’s going to be sad on the morning i leave, but being sad to leave people is very different from being scared to.

oh, and my flight from san francisco into seoul is flight # 777.  I’ll take that as a good sign.

ohhhhhhh yeeeaaaah!

i just wish i had been able to fit a trip to vegas into my pre Korea plans.  i’ve had vegas fever for, like, a year.


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things i want to do before i leave

there are certain things i want to do before i spend a year in korea.

  • eat a shit ton of pizza from ny pizza barry’s and tex mex from anywhere but rucci’s (i had my new york pizza tonight, and frankly, it was a giant disappointment, so i’m going for barry’s this time.  la tapatia’s enchiladas were trashy and delicious as always)



cheese enchiladas



  • go to the track one last time.  my tires are about to explode which would put me at risk of death, so that probably won’t happen.  but seriously…who needs tires to drag race?

my car and me at the track

  • watch one last episode of lost on tv as it actually debuts done.  shit’s getting crazy on that island…


  • take pictures of the weird things going on in houston, as well as mundane things that will remind me of home

huge armadillo at armadillo palace

  • buy some damn shirts so i dont have to run around korea topless.  i don’t think it’s that kind of place…

rapist and founder of girls gone wild joe francis

  • drive, drive, and drive.  i get weird if i don’t drive anywhere for a few days.  a year is going to DRVIE me nuts (pun totally intended).  i’m also going to miss out on the greg and rachel annual roadtrip this year.  waaaaaahhhhhh!

welcome to texas freeway sign

  • play bingo.  win big.  piss off trashy oldsters.  ryan, if you’re reading this, it’s totally on.  sunday, perhaps?


  • put all of my pictures and music on my laptop


  • have at least one last day of stupid with greg.  done.  and boy, was it stupid. 


  • avoid a certain avoidable dude i’ve been avoiding until we no longer share the same continent


  • buy the stupid cow print suitcase i found yesterday and have been coveting ever since.  yes, cow print.  THE TACKY LUGGAGE IS ALL MINE!

i told you so

more to come.  thiss will be a work in progress

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it’s about time!

at last, it has happened.  my recruiter called me today and we booked my flight.

first, i’d like to remark on the absolutely stupid state of mind i was in while doing this.  i fell asleep sometime around 10 pm and woke up around midnight with a stiff neck, a completely numb hand, and performing the ultra hot act of drooling on jeremy’s arm.  when i sleep on my side, the lack of bone structure in my face causes all of the skin on my head to basically melt, which in turn results in a pursed fish mouth.  it looks really attractive, and as an added bonus, allows for the maximum expulsion of saliva from my mouth as i sleep.  so i woke up, was incredibly groggy, mopped the drool off of my cheek, and got online to check my e-mail.  this was when the recruiter called me.  poor man.  i was nothing short of incompetent, and after dealing with that, he’s probably regretting his decision to hook me up with a school as i type.  such is life. 

anyway, i don’t know why that’s significant.  let’s move on with this miserable dog and pony show.

as per the status quo in my life, there was a small snag in the processing of payment, and in order to circumvent that the flight had to be booked for wednesday, april 30th instead of sunday the 27th.



i actually feel like this is really going to happen now.  as scary as it is, i feel like a really big, ugly monkey has been plucked off of my back and released back into the jungle.  everyone knows how much i like animals…especially the idea of captive wild animals being set free.

i have another post in the works.  it’s about all of the crap i had to deal with and hoops i had to jump through and hard-earned coin i had to toss around like it was coming off of trees in order to get my work visa.  i’ll probably get around to publishing that in the next couple of years.

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